Remember, you are a writer.

Always a writer, until the end of times.

You won’t always know what needs to be said until you begin to say it.

I have subjects I wish to write about and stories I want to tell. But I will wait for the energy to be there for those stories. Sometimes the key is just to start and to see what can flow.

I wish to add value here, not to take up unnecessary time, but I’m working on forming this habit of daily writing before it evaporates and I loose it all over again.

I’m certainly a writer at heart. It was one of my first called out skills as a line 2 natural. I was about 12 years old. My school class were all asked to write about the school and the best piece would be published in the local newspaper. This was one of the first things I came first in. My article was published and I was sent to an overnight ‘writers camp’.

During the camp we were given free writing time and I wrote something contrived and strange. It was about a lost elephant I think - something fictional. I wouldn’t be able to locate it now. I remember thinking it was terrible and that I was a fraud and not a writer at all. No one chased me down to write again. ‘False alarm’ may have been the thoughts of the adults around me.

In this very moment as I recall this experience, I’m wondering about the significance of elephants - often attributed to their great memories, wisdom and sensitivity. I remember I pulled the elephant card from the Animal Spirit oracle deck a few days ago as well.

One of the pieces I wanted to write about was this ‘forgetting or remembering’ of gate 33 - which is my Personality Sun. My incarnation cross is the Cross of Refinement - all about retreat and privacy. Beautifying the home space. It’s the last cross stop on the mandala. The end of the line before we begin again. I have gates 12 & 40 as well - gates of aloneness. I recently also confirmed that this lifetime is likely to be my last.

And so to forget or remember. I am remembering my lives. My past lives, my transgressions. The pains and sorrows. I am forgetting about this realm. Facts.. they don’t really matter anymore. How is a fact even a fact. Usually it’s a perspective - even if it is collective. I have the oversight, the larger vision of the infinite and beyond. It terrifies my bones. Nothing matters. I dip into nihilism.

I am dissolving. I have felt myself, basking in the warmth of the neutrino field, enlivened by a strong wind and the movement of trees, disintegrating. A form of goo.

There seems not a need to latch onto anything distinct. If I am packing my bags to return home, I may learn that I don’t need to take anything where I’m going.

I feel suddenly struck with grief. I’m saying goodbye to the Earth realm. In these final days (which may be 50 or so human years), I may simply choose to stare at the sky and feel the blades of grass and hug my animals. To collect the flowers and speak to the rivers. I have tears streaming down my face now, as I will miss you and I will miss this place.

Its a time to remember and a time to forget. It’s a time to write and share before I am gone.

My open head and ajna can get in the way of my beginning to write. So much to say, not sure when to say it or what order to say it in. When the tap is turned on though - I only need a few typed sentences before the story shares herself. Just open up and start.

This now begins to wander over to my experience with creative flow. The experience of simply starting and opening to what comes through. I have a creative flow course I’ve done some work on, I feel that this could be directing me to finish that course for sharing.

To conclude and to continue with my natural writing skill, I did end up employed in the government sector to write briefs and ministerial response letters. I can grasp technical, jargon filled and ‘gappy’ incomplete writing and pull it into something very clear and honest. I can reveal what is hidden and learnt how to be persuasive. This is a skill and it’s fun. When my work contract ended I briefly looked at competing for private freelance work in this field, but I was really turned off by having to submit my proof and be the first one in to respond to a person’s add request. Yuk. Other turn offs include that although not everyone has this skill, they also don’t value the skill. $5 for a resume cover letter - no thank you, I’d rather sell my nudes.

I’m not a fan of leaning on AI for writing. Those that can’t write might find it helpful but for me, the writing is the learning, it’s the lesson and the feedback. If I skip this working our step I won’t have gained anything.

I have been a lyricist for years, and in my early days writing songs, the more non-sense and the less plain sense the better. I was never one to pick a theme. My content never relatable. Maybe not ‘never’ - but accessibility was not on my mind. We can look to my Design 23.4 on MARS - ouch. Mars is immaturity, and volatility - the 23 is the ‘freak’ part of the ‘freak to genius’ channel. Perhaps my Mars is growing. The 23 is still a calamity at times.

Closing up this session for today, I can’t actually express the exact feeling I have right now. Anticipation, nerves, excitement. I feel like I’m re-tapping into my writing skills. Being with my creative skills. And with Desire, I plan to continue, to find my audience slowly if so be. I write for me, for future and past selves. To close the last chapter of my lives and impart the lessons learnt.

Have a beautiful day. x